Chronic illness, Invisible Illness, multiple sclerosis, transverse myelitis

1+5 = 48

1 incline in a parking garage…. As I left the hospital from visiting a friend (Yes, I was actually visiting and not admitted for once.), I walked, with my son in tow, back to the parking garage. I started toward the elevator to go to the second floor when my eyes gazed curiously at the incline in the parking garage. I stood there for at least two minutes and one question entered my mind, ” Could I make it?” It’s a seemingly silly question for most people, but for me, it was…The Ultimate Challenge. (Go back and Re-Read the words “The Ultimate Challenge” in your best movie-trailer-deep-voiced-dude impression) The logical half of my brain told me that “Now is not a good time because there are no adults around to rescue you if you can’t make it all the way up.” and then there was the warrior side of my brain that said, “It’s been a while since you tried to really push yourself so go on girl! Give it your best shot!”. My warrior brain won the argument but as my legs started to burn not even half-way up the incline, my logical brain scoffed as she won the battle.


5 Steps… You’d think after I had barely made it to my car, I would have gone home to hit the bath, ibuprofen, and bed, but I happened to be passing my nieces volleyball game on the way home and I’d really been wanting to see her play. When I wobbled into the gym, because by now my legs felt like jello, and not the stable kind, I saw that my sister was sitting 5 steps up the bleachers. I’m not talking about 5 “regular” steps. These steps were twice the size of regular steps, at least, and practically required a running start to get up. Again, The logical part of my brain said, “Are you even kidding me right now?” And then the warrior side of my brain roared, “YOU’VE GOT THIS! Don’t let everyone see your weakness!!” Well, guess which side of my brain won? My sister took my son and jaunted up the steps while I, very ungracefully, crab-crawled my way up.


48 Hours in Bed… Somehow, by the grace of God alone, I managed to get home. Thankfully my Sweetie was home and was able to help me into bed. My little adventure took its toll and I ended up in bed for two days trying to recover. I needed help from everything  from dressing myself to getting in and out of the bath. So ridiculous that activities I used to never even think twice about can now wear my body down so badly. It’s frustrating as hell and, for the most part, I listen to my logical brain and play it pretty safe…But don’t think I’m not going to let that warrior brain take full charge every once in a while. After all, how will I ever know what I can do if I don’t push myself to find out what I can’t?

1 thought on “1+5 = 48”

  1. Thanks for sharing Lisa … Praying for your total healing…

    I have had chronic fatigue syndrome off an on for the past 29 years it is no fun… I’m waiting for that day when I’m totally whole again– and God restored my strength and agility…

    Reading your posts and watching you battle and keep your hope up is very encouraging to me and I’m sure others..


    Sent from my iPhone


    Liked by 1 person

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