No I’m not pregnant….jackass


I used to get terribly insulted when people would ask how far along I was (even thougt I totally wasn’t and am not pregnant!) Now I just tell them “It’s twins! Ben&Jerry!” I mean, I guess I can’t blame them. Between the steroids and the bowel problems I’m always bloated! I retain enough water to supply a small community and my colon is packed like a truck stop diner at dawn. (TMI? Too bad! It is what it is, ya’ll)

So…Here’s a few ways to respond when asked, “When are you due?” or worse, “Is it twins?”

  1. You could take the high road and politely tell them that you are not expecting and that you have a medical condition which causes “the look”. Tell them to please not be embarrassed and you understand why they may have thought that.
  2. Tell them that you’re in the underground basketball smuggling business and you can get them a great offer on black market balls.
  3. Just say, “No due date yet!” or “No twins here!” and just use avoidance as an outlet

Here’s what you DO NOT DO!!!…

DO NOT beat yourself up for the way you look. Be comfortable and confident. (Yeah, easier said than done I know) but remind yourself DAILY that this issue is caused from your condition/medications and is often temporary!!! YOU ARE STILL BEAUTIFUL!!!

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